Mar 182010

so here it is my wip. A poem inspired by something rudepeople said.

The Chaos That is Me
by me,myself and I

The silence is deafening like the dark night it consumes me.
Who is going to save me from the chaos that is me?
He only one.

I feel these four walls closing in on me,closing fast.
Who is going to save me from the chaos that is me?
He only one.

Hot tears of loneliness burn like acid rain.
who will rescue me from the chaos that is me?
Who will rid my body of the poison so I can be whole again.
Who will help me understand the chaos that is me?
He only one.

Silent screams in the night only I can hear them for they come from a place deep within me.
Who is going to hold and comfort me?
He only one.

I reach out into the night, but no one is there to save me from the chaos that is me…

  2 Responses to “WIP”

  1. careful what you post here… we like constructive criticisms :P

    It’s good, albeit somewhat novice. I’d recommend labeling this one “WIP” (Work in progress).

    one thing to note: the expression “He only one” is an over-used theological expression… I’d either change it or add a verse and over emphasize it to give it ironic value.

    DISCLAIMER: this is a work of art, which grants it a level of impunity to attack. the artist is the only one who knows what the art SHOULD or SHOULD NOT be. the reader/viewer is only a secondary participant in the show which ultimately plays out in the mind of the creator. My opinions and recommendations are but chunks of peanut-butter afloat in the sea of grape jelly. You pick your own bread.

  2. I’m actually surprised that U would catch that. The way I wrote it it could be seen in three different ways.BTW..why do you think I posted it here? I figured I would get feedback.Its great that this poem ,though, novice could be sooo healing for me. I am finally sleeping. Its awesome! I also think it had to do with our last conversation, but I’m still not sure what it was about the conversation that was my Tylanol PM. I am just grateful that sleep has finally found me.The zombie dragon lady has been laid to rest…for now. When r U coming to town? I’m dying to take Renfeld up on his offer and I have no idea how to contact him or exactly where he lives(I now what apartment complex just not what apartment). Sad I know.BTW..I want a picture too and what about the changes I would like to make to my site?Are they doable?