Mar 242010

Well, I turned 33 on Friday. I don’t feel any different. I have said I feel better, but man I feel about birthdays like I feel about most holidays…they r just like any other day of the year.Its just another reminder that I am one year older  not dead.Some say that your thirties are the best years of your life…well that is yet to be proven a true statement. I have been thirty for 3 years now and I haven’t seen what’s sooo great about it.33 happy whooping birthday to me…

Mar 182010

so here it is my wip. A poem inspired by something rudepeople said.

The Chaos That is Me
by me,myself and I

The silence is deafening like the dark night it consumes me.
Who is going to save me from the chaos that is me?
He only one.

I feel these four walls closing in on me,closing fast.
Who is going to save me from the chaos that is me?
He only one.

Hot tears of loneliness burn like acid rain.
who will rescue me from the chaos that is me?
Who will rid my body of the poison so I can be whole again.
Who will help me understand the chaos that is me?
He only one.

Silent screams in the night only I can hear them for they come from a place deep within me.
Who is going to hold and comfort me?
He only one.

I reach out into the night, but no one is there to save me from the chaos that is me…

Mar 162010

On many occasions I have said that when I am angry I could spit nails, but I’m a dragon lady. I am so tired, frustrated,paranoid and twisted that I think that if I were indeed a dragon I could relieve all the stuff that has plagued my dreams and interrupted my sleep these last few months…I would just take a deep breath and everthing and everyone who comes across my path would be nothing but ash. Yep, nothing but ash.I’m tired of people telling me that I look good. How can I look good I HAVEN”T had a good night sleep in months!!I am convinced that what people are actually saying is: “You look like shit.” because you look good is an automatic response when you haven’t seen someone you haven’t seen in awhile and you don’t want to go through the whole how are u conversation. I suppose its the better alternative to being screamed at using various profane choice phrases like: Why the fuck do you care and what do you know you piece of shit. I am not a professional as my examples have stated, but guess what? I don’t give a flying fuck. Its just to bad I can’t cut to the chase and just turn them all to ash…especially those who ignore me(don’t really take time to SEE me) or try to get me to open up and I end up talking about shit w/o really knowing what the hell I’m talking about…like now…I NEED SLEEP DAMN IT!!!Is that to much to ask?

Mar 122010

I recently discovered that the f word can be therapeutic.Yes, you heard me right the f word the word that I once thought was a word that was an unitelligient, vulgar and otherwise offensive word. I was an angry, irritatable and frustrated dragon lady breathing fire whereever I went  and then it happened… I said: I don’t give a flying FAQ,I wrote I don’t give a flying FAQ,what the FAQ do you care and the fire disapated and I was as calm as a summer’s day. Who would of thunk?A calm dragon lady is a happy dragon lady…