Ok, I had a conversation with Renfeld the other day about my super-human ability to find and focus on the flaws in technology… It went down something like this:
Renfeld: You complain a lot.
IcoNyx: Yeah, but it’s just so frustrating how companies out there aim to create things with so much potential only to ruin it at the last minute.
Renfeld: you shouldn’t complain so much.
IcoNyx: But everything SUCKS!
Renfeld:You complain a lot.
I’m paraphrasing but that’s pretty much how it went…
So during the conversation, at some point an analogy came out that was REALLY funny… I’d kinda like to replicate the idea in the form of a short film… but seeing as how I lack the needed manpower/equipment, I’ll just have to settle for telling you the idea…
It’s race day for the OS-500 marathon. Nerds from every camp have arrived; Microsoft is represented by several obease yet well dressed nerds, each representing a dferent release of Windows (DOS, win95, 98, ME, XP, Vista, etc.). Linux is represented by a group of wirey/pimply nerds separated by distros (Arch, Suse, Red Hat, Debian, etc.) and even BSD, SCO unix, and Mac OS (a batch of “trendy” hippies) are represented.
Four Judges sit by the finish line which is manned by an attractive swimsuit model who poses endlessly. The Nerd-runners run for the promise of a romantic date/possible life union with the swimsuit model (this represents winning user trust). An apple branded referee steps to the starting line and pulls out a gun.
Announcer #1: “We’d like to thank Apple for providing the race day referees”
The referee shoots the nerd (an old man) representing the Xerox Gui, who falls dead.
Announcer #2: “It looks like we have our first runner elimination!”
The other nerds start the race, while the Apple branded referee begins looting the body of the Xerox nerd. Shortly there after, several of fat nerds representing the older Microsoft OS’s begin to lag and some fall over having suffered heart attacks.
Announcer #1: “Looks like the old-schoolers are locking up on the track, I hope at least ONE Microsoft representative makes it to the finish line.”
Announcer #2: “Are you showing a preference to Microsoft?”
Announcer #1: “No, but have you seen the other competitors? What if Unix, or SCO won? Do you want to see the offspring of that unholy union?”
Announcer #2: “I see your point!”
As the nerds continue to run, they begin pulling out gadgets from their fanny packs, some pull out caffeinated beverages, others pull out grooming products all intended to improve their edge in the race. Most of these gadgets only serve to make the crowd move farther away from the race way.
As the nerds continue the marathon, some of them begin to simply run off the track and away from the race altogether.
Announcer #1: “Looks like we’re loosing some of the runners.”
Announcer #2: “Yeah, those would be the specialty OS’s, Monowall, Solaris, Netware… No one expected them to even show up!”
Announcer #2: “A.D.D. can be such a–oh look! a squirrel!”
Eventually the nerds approach the finish line, the cluster comprises a Nerd for the latest version of each OS: Windows, Fedora, OpenSuse, Red Hat, Debian, Arch, Ubuntu, FreeBSD, and Mac OS X. all the runners FREEZE at the finish line in a cluster staring at the swimsuit model who is posing. Finally, having flipped the FAQ out, the nerds scatter in all directions. Only FreeBSD manages to cross the Finish line, mainly having been PUSHED across the line by the fleeing nerds. Dispite crossing the line, FreeBSD nervously looks at the model (who feigns interest) then books it BACK across the finish line screaming, “I want my mommy!”
The Judges, observers, referees, swimsuit model, and announcers are dumbfounded. And the Judges begin deliberation on whom to name as the winner.
Announcer #1: “But FreeBSD crossed the line… so doesn’t that mean he won?”
Announcer #2: “No, No one cares about FreeBSD, he wasn’t even invited! He’s not even registered!”
Announcer #1: “But he has a number…”
Announcer #2: “He MADE his number by squeezing ketchup onto a used hamburger wrapper!”
Announcer #1: “That would explain the smell!”
Announcer #2: “No, He soiled himself… not sure if he did that before or after crossing the line though.”
With FreeBSD disqualified, the Judges begin to vote for the winner. The First Judge votes for Mac OS X. The second Judge Votes for “lenix”. The third judge votes for Windows. The fourth judge begins to look nervous, he has an intimidating man in a black suite standing behind him, the Judge hesitates, the man in black places a hand on the judge’s shoulder, the judge QUICKLY votes for Microsoft.
Announcer #1: “What’s with him?”
Announcer #2: “He clicked “I agree” on the Microsoft End User License Agreement.”
Announcer #1: “Poor bastard.”
This is my analogy for the race of the Operating Systems… They all run a close race, but then just scatter at the finish line… Microsoft wins simply by coercement.